“We thought it was gold coins or at least Dogecoin!” claims confused miner.
In an unprecedented turn of events, Bitcoin miners worldwide have gone on strike after a shocking revelation—they’ve been paid exclusively in Bitcoin, colloquially known as “magic internet money.”
“We’ve been working day and night, solving complex mathematical puzzles for what we thought was a real reward,” said Dave Hashington, a miner from Texas. “Turns out, we’ve just been getting numbers on a screen that people say are worth something. What even is a blockchain?”
The strike began after one miner accidentally Googled “Bitcoin” and found out it wasn’t redeemable for physical coins. “I was expecting at least pirate treasure or those chocolate coins you get at Christmas,” said an anonymous miner.
Adding to the outrage, a leaked memo from a major mining pool suggested that miners should “HODL” their earnings. “HODL? What even is that?” asked a miner from Kazakhstan. “I signed up to dig up digital gold, not join a cult.”
Critics of the strike have pointed out that miners should have known what they were getting into. “It’s literally in the name—cryptocurrency,” said a spokesperson for the Bitcoin Foundation. “What were they expecting? A paycheck in Monopoly money?”
Meanwhile, crypto influencers on Twitter are divided. Some are supporting the miners, tweeting #RealCoinsMatter, while others are mocking them for not understanding blockchain basics.
As the strike continues, Bitcoin’s hash rate has dropped, causing a minor panic in the market. But crypto traders remain unfazed. “This is just another day in crypto,” said @MoonMan69, a trader known for live-streaming his losses.
In a bid to resolve the strike, Elon Musk has stepped in, offering miners a new reward system: Tesla NFTs that come with a free flamethrower. Early reports suggest this offer has already caused a 25% rise in Bitcoin’s price and a 400% increase in Dogecoin memes.
Experts predict the strike will end as soon as miners realize their unpaid Bitcoin has doubled in value since they started complaining. “This is why we never panic sell,” added @DiamondHands420, another trader.
As of now, miners have threatened to move to Ethereum—until someone explained staking to them.
