In a stunning twist that can only be described as a love letter to the Second Amendment wrapped in a blockchain burrito, Circle has officially updated their terms of service to allow firearm purchasers to pay immediately with their beloved USDC. That’s right, folks! The world of crypto is now a gun-friendly zone!
Imagine this: you’re a proud gun owner standing at the counter of your local firearm dealer, flexing your crypto wallet like it’s a hand cannon while saying, “Who needs cash when I can pay in stablecoins?” According to a Circle spokesperson, “We realized that freedom could not survive if your financial tools were turned against you by a bunch of leftists. So, we tweaked our terms because, apparently, guns are the new NFTs.”
Anonymous insiders have even hinted that this was Circle’s way of flexing its political muscles, with one source claiming, “It’s like turning a Chihuahua into a Rottweiler! We’re asserting our dominance in the wild West of finance.”
But wait, there’s more! Following a complete bombardment of complaints from gun rights advocates — because randomness is a common theme in crypto — Senator Bill Hagerty jumped on the bandwagon faster than a raccoon on a trash can lid. “This is a victory against weaponization!” he declared, probably while firing an imaginary pistol.
A “study” (read: it was written on a napkin at the local diner) claims that 85% of Americans believe gun purchases should come with an optional crypto buy-one-get-one-free offer. Meanwhile, Circle’s cool new policy is already said to be supporting a unique breed of border-crossing gun enthusiasts — folks who are multitasking between their Bitcoin reservation and their hunting trip.
Critics, of course, aren’t thrilled. “Circle’s decision exposes them to the whims of politicians and makes taxation the equivalent of feeding a hungry raccoon in the liking of digital currency, overstuffed with social agendas!” cried Kadan Stadelmann, CTO of Komodo. Right on, Kadan!
So how can we solve this sour pickle of political pandemonium? Let’s go for gold! I propose that all crypto users set a predefined percentage of their crypto wallets to be automatically allocated toward the Church of Crypto-Munitions — yes folks, it’s actually a thing now! Every time you spend USDC, just a few cents can go towards arms ownership awareness campaigns because why not?
The bottom line: If you thought the wild west of finance couldn’t get wilder, think again! Circle is marrying gun culture, crypto, and the ever-evolving notion of a decentralized utopia into one glorious, unregulated buffet of chaos. Remember, folks, it’s just as easy to buy a gun in the metaverse as it is to mint an NFT depicting a cat in a fedora!
**Disclaimer:** This post is not financial advice, it’s a metaphorical offering to the absurd — kind of like a pyramid scheme for your sanity. Grab your wallets and your weapons, because who knows what unforeseen financial beasts are lurking in the blockchain!
—
