Bitcoin Maximalists Declare Gold a “Scam” After Realizing You Can’t Store It on a Ledger
In a shocking turn of events, Bitcoin maximalists—the self-proclaimed financial revolutionaries who believe Bitcoin is the one true currency—have officially declared gold a “scam” after discovering it cannot be stored on a Ledger hardware wallet.
This revelation came after a prominent Bitcoin influencer, known only as @SatoshiOrBust, attempted to transfer his grandmother’s gold necklace into his cold storage wallet. After several hours of frustration and a tweetstorm of confusion, he posted:
“Gold is completely useless! No QR code, no private key, just heavy rocks?? I’m done.”
The Great Gold Rug Pull
The incident has ignited widespread outrage within the Bitcoin community, with many feeling betrayed by centuries of belief that gold was a valuable store of wealth.
“I tried everything,” complained one crypto enthusiast in a Reddit forum. “I put my gold bars next to my Ledger, tried scanning them with the Ledger Live app, even whispered my seed phrase at them. Nothing. Gold is literally a boomer Ponzi scheme.”
Another user, @HODL4EVA, conducted an independent investigation and confirmed the shocking truth:
“I took a gold coin to a Bitcoin conference, and none of the ATMs could read it. Not even a single blockchain explorer recognized its hash! How is this still considered money?”
A Community in Crisis
In response to the controversy, Michael Saylor, a well-known Bitcoin evangelist, issued a public statement:
“We were misled. Gold is just a shiny relic of the past. It lacks the fundamental properties of a real asset—like being able to be lost in a boating accident.”
Meanwhile, gold bugs—investors who have long advocated for gold as a safe-haven asset—have fired back, calling Bitcoin maximalists “digitally delusional.”
Peter Schiff, the arch-nemesis of crypto Twitter, seized the moment, tweeting:
“I told you all along! Gold has intrinsic value, unlike your imaginary internet coins. Try melting down a Bitcoin when the grid goes down! Oh, wait… you can’t.”
Bitcoiners, however, remain unfazed. “Gold may have value to some people,” admitted @LaserEyes2024, “but can it be traded instantly across borders, censored by governments, or turned into a JPEG monkey? No? Then it’s obsolete.”
The Future of Money: Purely Digital?
In the wake of this discovery, Bitcoin maximalists have proposed a radical solution: digitizing all remaining gold into NFTs to make it blockchain-compatible. Dubbed “Gold2.0,” the initiative aims to create an Ethereum-based token that represents real-world gold—because nothing says financial revolution like recreating the thing you just called a scam.
“Once we put gold on the blockchain,” explained one developer, “it’ll finally have value.”
Despite this innovative approach, some hardcore Bitcoiners are resisting the idea of anything running on Ethereum. “If it requires gas fees, it’s still a scam,” one purist warned.
As of now, thousands of former gold believers are selling off their coins and jewelry, converting them into Bitcoin before the “gold bubble” pops. Pawn shops worldwide have reported a surge in people trying to trade in their family heirlooms for sats.
Meanwhile, gold itself continues to remain completely unaware of the controversy—proving once again that the real battle isn’t between Bitcoin and gold, but between reality and Twitter.
