In a move that can only be described as a mashup of George Orwell’s *1984* and a dystopian episode of *The Office*, President Trump is reportedly drafting an executive order to rein in state AI laws, as if he’s trying to hug the entire United States in a giant fiscal bear hug.
“Nothing screams ‘freedom’ like one-size-fits-all regulations!” said an unnamed source who definitely wasn’t a scarecrow propped up in a field of corn.
This ambitious manifesto, which would make any 80s action movie jealous, aims to nullify over **1,000 AI regulations** sprouting like weeds across state lines—primarily to safeguard America’s standing in the tech arms race against China. Because, clearly, nothing says “cutting-edge technology” like centrally-controlled algorithms made by a 77-year-old reality TV star.
**Timeline Analysis👉** A crisp new study out of MIT (Magical Information Technology) reveals that **67%** of all cryptocurrency-related discussions now revolve around who can create the most bewildering memes about a future where AI and crypto are ruled from One Big Beautiful Office. And, unsurprisingly, it shows that **89%** of the crypto community only understands every 5th sentence uttered by the same politicians who created this chaos. 😵💫
Back to Trump, demanding a universal standard for AI is like a cat demanding a universal rule for all mice to behave. Because, let’s face it, if the cat decides to play god, the mice will just draft (*or mine*) their own laws!
🚀 *”We must embrace true innovation without cumbersome regulations!”* Trump tweeted, ironically undercutting the very essence of innovation by proposing a blanket legislation that threatens to turn creative AI into nothing more than a rubber stamp for whichever outdated political ideology wins that day.
Meanwhile, an influential AI czar—who we can only assume is a character straight out of a sci-fi novel titled *Dudes In Suits, Geniuses in Complacency*—is gearing up to oversee this expansive governmental reorganization. His name? David Sacks: crypto’s own version of the Ghostbusters—who’s here to save your portfolio, one catastrophic regulation at a time!
Let’s not forget the Republicans currently fanning the flames of this federal takeover by attaching the new framework to the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA). Because, really, nothing says “defense” like turning Silicon Valley into a sterile factory of uninspired algorithms trained to say, “Have you considered investing in a sound financial product?” 🎤💥
If the conspiracy theorists are correct, and the government truly intends to deploy sentient AI to monitor our crypto transactions, it’s a good time to revisit your hobby of raising alpacas. Who knows, maybe they’ll become your new financial advisors in this new post-regulatory world?
🐑 *Solution:* Stop hoarding crypto like it’s toilet paper during a pandemic! Instead, trade your assets for alpaca wool and help build a decentralized commune where every fiber—pun intended—matters.
*Disclaimer:* Whale Tales does not endorse real-life alpaca trading. But we will back you up if you want to start a commune. Welcome to the madness, friend!
